It has been a very long spring/summer this year. That’s why it has been a long time since I posted.
After recovering from the virus that hit me just prior to the proclamation signing I developed another virus. This one hung on for a long time. After a month I reluctantly went to the doctor who told me my lungs were irritated and put me on the steroid prednisone for seven days. Instead of getting better I got worse. I returned to the doctor and discovered it had turned into a bacterial infection. I was sent home with a prescription for antibiotics (10 days) and codeine cough syrup. After what seemed to be an eternity I finally got well again.
However during this time things had become very hectic. We had been house sitting for 6 months and the home owners asked if we’d like to stay through the summer and following winter. We love the house and property so we said yes! When they came home in the spring, they began to clear out things so we could unpack more of our stuff and settle in better. Although it was nice and feels good to not be living out of boxes, it did cause quite a bit of over doing it on my part. My body simply doesn’t handle heat we had this summer and heavy work very well any more. It’s not only because of my epilepsy, but because I also have fibromyalgia.
During all this time I had some family issues going on with relatives. It didn’t take long before I began to feel like a pressure cooker about to blow. I also began to withdraw from everything. I had tons of unanswered emails and rarely interacted outside my home. I was tired all the time.
Although levetiracetam can cause depression I really didn’t believe that was the culprit. I think the combination of situations all collided at once and the result was depression.
One of the hardest moments prior to my “shut down” was learning that members of my immediate family have been talking about me. They apparently believe I looked up epilepsy online and convinced myself I have it. That was the preverbal straw that broke the camel’s back. I felt like I’d been punched in the stomach. Family is the greatest source of support and I just discovered I did not have support from them.
When talking to my husband about it he told me maybe we should send them all copies of the medical bills and lists of tests that have been run and see what they say.
I keep thinking to myself who in their right mind would ever want to have epilepsy? Why would someone think I would “convince myself” I have a condition/disease/disorder such as this? Do they think I enjoy being on medication that is causing a laundry list of side effects that I have to deal with daily? Do they think I am enjoying watching my hair fall out by handfuls every time I brush my hair, or having vertigo, dizzy spells, insomnia and on and on?
Then there are also whispers about how I keep posting epilepsy information on my facebook page and it’s annoying. Really? Seriously? I am an advocate for Epilepsy Awareness. I am an official Ambassador of Purple for PurpleDay.org. With 1 in 26 people being diagnosed with epilepsy at some point in their lifetime OF COURSE I’m going to spread information and awareness.
Needless to say all of these things began getting to me until I withdrew from everything and almost everyone.
Slowly now I am getting myself back on track. It’s still a struggle and it still hurts that my family isn’t supportive, but I have to carry on. I need to carry on for myself, my husband and daughter who I love dearly and who are always there for me. I have to carry on for all the people diagnosed with epilepsy and those who will find themselves diagnosed within the days/weeks/months/years to come. Bottom line, I have to carry on. So I am holding my head high again, picking myself up and pushing forward.
Hugs,
